FOLLOW UP AND OUTCOME

This will be a very long post, but to anyone out there who has unjustly lost a child to CPS and the foster care system, I do this for you. 

In May of 2012 the dependency court placed my grandson with me and issued a "do not remove order."  Alot of things transpired between my last post and now.  I kept fighting with DCFS.  I kept going to the Court hearings.  I came into contact with Shawn McMillan, an attorney in San Diego, CA.  He is the attorney on the case that I am going to write about below.  I contacted Tim Donnelly of the California State Assembly who is very active in calling DCFS' practices into question.  I went through all kinds of changes, both mentally and physically.  It all took a toll. 

After many hearings and many reports written by lying social workers, both the foster workers and the adoption worker at the time, who had written a report in August of 2013 saying that I was a substance abuser, which I was not and have never been; saying that all of my adult children had been interviewed and were against the adoption, which was untrue also; and saying that I currently used marijuana, which was not true either, I took this report to my Kaiser therapist.  He took a look at it and said, "you have to write a rebuttal.  You can't let this stand."  So, I did.  I wrote a rebuttal and attached evidence from Kaiser Permanente that I was not a substance abuser, and attached a statement from my 30 year old son saying that he had never been interviewed and that he was not opposed to my adopting my grandson.  He even went on to say that: "he couldn't think of anyone better to adopt the child."  I offered DCFS the opportunity to take a sample of my hair for drug testing.  They declined. 

This adoption worker had worked on my home study at that point for three years possibly longer.  She would never deny my home study because there was no reason to deny my home study.  But because of this, the case could never move forward. 

I also subsequently wrote a letter to the supervisor of the adoption worker who had written the report in August of 2013 and attached certain pages of the case of Deanna Fogary-Hardwick v. County of Orange, 2010 Cal.App. Unpub. LEXIS 4436.  I stated in that letter to that supervisor that what had happened to Ms. Fogarty-Hardwick had also been my experience with this social worker.  I attached a copy of the lying report that was filed and my rebuttal with the supporting evidence showing that what she had written in the report was untrue. I will also mention that when the judge received my "rebuttal" she re-read the social worker's report, and then read my rebuttal and looked at the supporting evidence, took a deep breath and rolled her eyes.  I have come to know that these lying social workers are common, and it is expected that they lie all the time. 

The supervisor very shortly after getting my letter, wrote me a letter offering me a chance to have a second home study with a different social worker.  I asked that this case be taken outside of DCFS.  He allowed this and I've come to find that it was my legal right to do so.  I requested that Children's Bureau in Los Angeles do the home study.  I finally got a fair home study by someone that didn't have anything against me, didn't fabricate problems and issues that were "concerns" and reasons that I could not adopt my grandson. 

At this time, I am awaiting the finalization of the adoption of my grandson.  This could have gone a horribly different way if I had not been persistent, didn't spend tens of thousands of dollars in attorney's fees, didn't go to law school myself to learn more about law and civil rights, but then I may have never seen my grandson again and I would have never been able to live with that. 

PLEASE SEE www.kidnappedbycps.blogspot.com

The Circle of Life is Just Amazing

I have a new grandson born lastnight. Isn't the cirle of life just amazing? My son grows up, and now he is a father. Actually, I have two sons that are fathers. Time passes so quickly. They were little, and I was doing soccor, taking them hiking, going to Disneyland and now they are the parents and I am the grandparent. You don't realize it when your children are little, in fact you never think about it. Time passes so fast and then it is just a memory.

A song to help get me through.....

My oldest son has been staying with me for the last few days. This song has more meaning to me now than ever before. A child becomes an adult, everyone grows in different ways. We have had our trials and tribulations. Things have come full circle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

Take a listen and I hope you like it.

There are others on a radio station that you can get through a stream through http://www.sosradio.net/

And......the book may be going on display at a museum in Ventura, CA. If so, I will be there to print baby footprints in the book and sign it to the child. I'll post more as I know the details.

PS: My newphew Chris Morgan has a new movie out this last weekend. I've been notified by many of our family members that the movie did $72 million at the box office this last weekend. We are all so proud of him. The movie is the Fast & Furious. I've known him since he was very young, how does he think of this stuff?

No matter what, I still just love em!!!!

Lastnight, I had two of my children at my house. Early in the evening, my oldest son said something like, "mom, can I borrow 20 bucks for diapers?" (Because they all have kids now). I said, of course, it is in my purse, just go get it and go to the store. Later in the evening one of my middle children says something like "mom can I borrow 20 bucks for gas?" and I of course, said it's in my purse. So, this morning, I go through the drivethrough at McDonalds for an Egg McMuffin because I had a 10 o'clock appointment, and was running late, and guess what???? I barely had $2 in my purse. Don't you just love 'em. This is just a warning to all of you young parents, it never ends. However, it does get better with some. My youngest son, has had a job for years, and has a roll of money. He's even been asking me about buying a house (because I am a licensed real estate agent, even though I no longer practice in the traditional form). And my daughter is Dr. Rachel Morgan, Pediatrician. The only problem with her is, that I never hear from her. She has to work all of the time, and when she is off, she is sooooo tired, because the hospital that she works at makes her work 30 hour shifts. So the committment to your children never ends. You can either set the limits now or later. And as you can see, sometimes, I haven't done very well at setting the limits. But I have noticed in retrospect, that if you set the limits and stick to them (which I've always had the problem with), they do respect you more in the end. But me, I'm a powder puff kind of mom and a real push over. And these two did run a sprinkler line across my yard and up a hill about a month ago, so I shouldn't really complain right now. These are just my experiences and my thoughts.

My experience with having three kids, one right after the other!!!

When I was young, my children, at one time, were 7, 6, 5 and newborn. The problem that I encountered with this, was that when you have so many, so close together, you don't have time to give each and everyone of them undivided attention. You are always working on one, then the other, then the other, and no one really gets undivided attention. It got worse as they got older. The homework was overwhelming. It was like they were all college students. If you have special ed kids, it just doesn't work. Rachel was easy. She always brought her homework home and was very eager to do it. But with Billy, Johnny & Nathaniel, none of them seemed to remember (or care) about homework, and trying to get them to do it, well, it was impossible. I think that all children are different and have different needs. This was my experience, and hopefully, someone out there reading this blog will think about this, if you already have a child and are considering having another one.

Dr. James Dobson

I listened to Dr. James Dobson lastnight on www.sosradio.net which I've started listening to recently. I haven't always agreed with Dr. Dobson, thinking that he never had kids like Billy & Johnny, and so what advice could he possibly give on raising difficult boys. However, lastnight, he talked about his son, and how his son failed out of college. The boy eventually wanted to return home, with no job, no goals etc., and the father turned him out. I have had to take this approach with my older sons, and there is nothing more difficult to do. With Dr. Dobson, it appears that the son returned to his father after about a year, asking to try again, to go back to college. The father gave him the chance to go semester by semester, not a commitment to the entire time, because as I've experienced, you pay for tuition, books, supplies, etc., and the kid drops and you're out the money you have paid, and the child thinks nothing of it because he didn't have to work for it, it wasn't anything out of his pocket or skin off of his neck.

As I've said before, once you have a child, it is your child until the end, life changes and life is never the same again. You never stop thinking about the child even when that child is long into adulthood, questioning your decisions about how you raised the child, and wondering what you could have, should have, would have done......... I know one thing for sure it all comes from the greatest love one can ever have, parent to a child........

Teenagers

I just wrote a response to a woman, on Circle of Moms, whose 16 year old son is getting into trouble in the teenage years. This hit very close to home. There are some things that I have had to accept. My sons are now 28, 26 and 20. They started getting into trouble in their teenage years. They all, had always been, "special ed" kids, with ADD and ADHD. They have all said that they had good childhoods, with everything, and that what has transpired was their own faults. They made their own decisions after they were adults, or course. It still is not easy for a mother to stand by and watch, but that's about all you can do. I thoroughly endorse two different organizations that I have had the opportunity to observe in my nursing practice and have made many, many referrals to, over the years:

http://www.delanceystreetfoundation.org/ based in San Francisco CA (with facilities in NY, NC, Los Angeles) and

http://www.thehealingplace.org/ based in Louisville KY

My book, is a tribute to my sons. I of course, love them more than anything. The story The Day I Met You and You Met Me! is a story that I told all of them when they were little. I wrote it down on paper in 1989 and it took until 2008 for me to get it out to the world because I was so busy, working and raising my children. The facts are: they grow up, they make their mistakes, they make their own choices, good and bad. All a mother can do is to provide support, resources and guidance.

How did I ever survive motherhood?

I just responded to a question on Circle of Moms asking how to keep you sanity when caring for two children under the age of 2 years old. That is a tough question, and very hard thing to do. Once upon a time, my children were the ages: 7, 6, 5 and newborn. I've often thought, "I'm surprized they are still alive." First of all, they have so much energy, anything can happen, and I mean anything. My oldest was in the ER, I can't count the times, before the age of 5 because of his high energy, and "nothing scares me" attitude. My Grandson, now three years old, just broke his arm, jumping on a bed and had to have surgery last week. Little boys can get into some kind of trouble. I tried to keep them all busy with activities. Just know that you are doing the very best you can. You will be tired, you will think you are going crazy, and you will look back and wonder, how did I do that? But you will get through it and look back at it with endearment some day, and wish that you could recapture the time. I've thought, "we had everything" during those times. But the times were hard, and we are all still here at different stages of our lives now. One of my children is named: Rachel Morgan, M.D. and is now a pediatric resident. The boys are a different thing, still trying to figure life out. Who knows how long that will take, but you love them all the same!!!

Everybody is Somebody's Baby!!!

I work on adult units and pediatric units. A few weeks ago, one of my friends, who has been a doctor for 40 years (at least), asked me: "are you taking care of new babies, or old babies"? After thinking about this comment, I thought, everybody is someone's baby, and that is how I care for each and every one of my patients, as though they were my child, whether young or old. When I see someone on the streets, I think, that is someone's child. We all need to feel compassion and teach compassion to our children. This world is a tough one, and it looks like it is getting tougher with each day. I will continue my care and encourage many young people to become nurses. It is one of the most honorable professions anyone can commit to. I have a friend who over the last holidays helped serve the homeless dinner at the Los Angeles Mission. One thing about nursing is, that no matter what difficult situations I encounter at the hospital, every single time I enter the doors, I know that when I leave, I have given to someone else.

This would have been my father's 75th birthday!!!

This would have been my father's 75th birthday. He passed away five years ago. If I could only talk to him once again, and tell him I completely understand what I put him through. I'd just give him a big hug right now. Love all of them while they are still here, the time passes quickly.

Raising Children

Raising children has to be one of the most difficult tasks one ever has in life. You always feel a sense of responsibility, no matter how old they are. Even though all of my children are grown adults, I constantly wonder where they are, what they are doing, how they are doing, and if I don't hear from any one of them for very long, I am on the phone, hunting them down. Last week, my little grandson had a surgery, and even though I am a Registered Nurse, and the surgery was minor, I was on pins and needles throughout the event, until I knew he was okay. I spent yesterday with him, with his little cast on his arm, and I've got to say, I was spent at the end of four hours. I was more tired than if I worked a 12.5 hour shift at the hospital with the most difficult patients all night long. I think this is the plight of all parents, exhaustion!!! As I tell new mothers at the hospital when they say they are soooo tired, "I haven't had a good nights sleep in 28 years, since my oldest son was born"!!!!